Auteur Topic: Hallo hallo  (gelezen 3021 keer)

0 leden en 1 gast bekijken dit topic.

Offline Gestiech

  • Geïntresseerde
  • *
  • Berichten: 6
    • Bekijk profiel
Hallo hallo
« Gepost op: 24-08-2015 18:09 »
Ik heb me vandaag ook al aangemeld op het internationale zen forum, dus ik heb niet zoveel zin de hele riedel weer opnieuw te beschrijven. Maar misschien is het ook te lang en niet zo boeiend voor de meesten.
Het belangrijkste is dat ik al lang loop met onrust in mijn lichaam, 'angst' / zenuwen, en gevoeligheid voor depressie (ik heb nooit een echte langdurige depressie gehad, maar ik kan wel heel sterke moodswings hebben en me zeer neerslachtig voelen voor een halve dag). Anyway, naast dat ik dat natuurlijk stiekem kwijt probeer te raken via meditatie / boeddhisme, is er ook gewoon een natuurlijke nieuwsgierigheid en interesse in mij, en een (de ene keer wat meer uitgedrukte dan de andere keer) verwondering over het leven. Vooral de grenzen van het denken en de ogenschijnlijke maar niet daadwerkelijke realiteit van het denken vind ik erg boeiend en verwonderend.

Voor de geïinteresseerde, hier nog mijn introductietekst op het Engelse forum dat ik hierboven noemde:

Citaat
Hello. I'm a Dutch male, 28 years old, and studying psychology in everyday life next to my interests in zen, advaita vedanta, en taoism.
My interest in meditation started about 7 years ago, pretty ignorantly as with most in the beginning I suppose. I came from a pretty strong scientific mindset, not very open to anything that cannot be studied objectively, so to speak. It all started with Eckhart Tolle - surprise surprise. I went off and on with my interest and I suppose ultimately I didn't feel anything more than a shallow curiosity. I hoped it might solve my anxiety and depression problems, but ultimately I didn't believe it might to the degree that I was really willing to commit to it. A few years or months (I'm not sure) later, my interest was ignited again through the same suffering symptoms. Someone suggested one of Jon Kabat Zin's books on mindfulness and I picked up from there. Psychological therapy wasn't proving to do me much good, so I had to try something. Of course it might be the case that I was just unlucky with my psychologists, but I've had therapy with a handful of them and none of it really did much for me I feel. If anything changed, it is mostly down to aging and slowly changing myself. Apparently anyway.
So yes, here I am, "trying to get rid" of "suffering". That's my motivation, it's out there :-) I just want to not respond so panicky to unfortunate events, and not be so easily scared / intimitated by other people. I also have a pretty negative image of my personality as well as my body, so I guess that doesn't help.

A few months ago I "saw through" the illusion of the self, by working with a guide at http://www.liberationunleashed.com. Or maybe I didn't truly see through it, or I didn't realize it, as Adyashanti might say. He distinguishes between seeing and realizing no self. Anyway, I don't feel much different. There was some struggle in seeing the non-doership, everything just arising, but now it's pretty clear to me although I still live day to day life as if I'm a person with control, which is kind of funny and contradictory. I probably find it hard to actually let go of the self.

I'm quite "well read" I would say when it comes to spirituality. Not so much on ancient writings and teachers, but the more on the ideas. I've listened to, and read, many hours of Alan Watts, as well as Rupert Spira and Mooji, although they are not zen teachers. Recently I've been reading the Tao Te Ching and a little bit of Tswang Tse, which I've really enjoyed, but I'm finding it hard to distill a way of life or awakening out of it. I understand all of it, intellectually, but it's not clicking on some level. Maybe that level can only click through meditation, which is why I am very interested in getting into zen meditation now. I've also been reading 'Dropping Ashes on the Buddha' (by Stephen Mitchell, teachings of zen master Seung Sahn), and I've been enjoying that. I don't always understand what the zen master is trying to say, but I like that. It means there's something there to develop.

Alright I think this is long enough of an introduction. I'm always looking for contacts on this path, by the way, as I literally don't know anyone personally who is (really, truly, deeply) interested in spirituality / zen, and it feels lonely at times. But hey, maybe it's just an attachment to get rid of. It probably is, actually.

lord rainbow

  • Gast
Re: Hallo hallo
« Reactie #1 Gepost op: 24-08-2015 19:05 »
Hallo Gestiech,

Welkom.

Offline Gestiech

  • Geïntresseerde
  • *
  • Berichten: 6
    • Bekijk profiel
Re: Hallo hallo
« Reactie #2 Gepost op: 24-08-2015 19:23 »
Dank, Dirk.

Offline Daan

  • Boeddha Forumganger
  • **
  • Berichten: 19
    • Bekijk profiel
Re: Hallo hallo
« Reactie #3 Gepost op: 29-08-2015 04:58 »
Jij ook welkom !
Inderdaad een bekend gevoel wat je beschijft ;-)

Offline Skoebidoe

  • Boeddha Forum Favoriet
  • ***
  • Berichten: 79
  • Geslacht: Man
    • Bekijk profiel
Re: Hallo hallo
« Reactie #4 Gepost op: 29-08-2015 09:34 »
Welkom op dit mooie forum!
Het enige wat telt, is datgene in de praktijk brengen waar u daadwerkelijk in gelooft. (Dalai Lama)